Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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