Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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