i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
