I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
