I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would ride that face into the sunset
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
