he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
