Just took my morning after pill in the library
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
