So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
