I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My feet surprised me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
