well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
