...so i touched it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
