we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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