finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
