I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
