Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
