After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
