You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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