just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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