i just wanna soil my oats bro
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
