Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
