Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
