READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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