I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
