Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
