I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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