I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
