So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
