I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
