whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
