Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
