we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
