I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
