I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
...so i touched it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
