Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
