i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The air was thick with penises
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
