Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
