If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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