You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
