): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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