I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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