SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
