Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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