Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
