he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
