you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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