We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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