Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
