wanna go halves on a baby?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
