I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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