all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
