Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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