1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
