So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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