i just had sex bonerless
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
